Inner Union

Written on my Heart Healing Pilgrimage to San Miguel de Allende, Mexico.

When we talk about Union, so often what comes to mind for those of us in the West, is the concept of union with another in a romantic relationship. Not only does the mainstream societal programming & cultural conditioning tell us a narrative of happily ever after with “the one,” but even in some modern New Earth/Love & Light Spiritual circles there can be a hyper focus on finding Union with our Twin Flame or Soul Mate. Whichever way you cut it, we have been obsessed with finding a sense of completion & wholeness through another. 

And when you think about it, it makes a lot of sense. As a humxn collective we have been operating under a deeply held (& mostly subconscious) belief in unworthiness. As far back as the mainstream lens allows, we can witness in our shared global history a paradigm of domination & control arising all over the world. This paradigm has for all intents & purposes enslaved us to a systemic belief in the existence of superiority & inferiority. Out of a deep fear of being inferior & thus unworthy, we have submitted in countless, repeated ways to the perceived powers that be who continue to feed us the lie of superiority and the subsequent rules of belonging. Through our shared collective, cultural & ancestral traumas, we have been hypnotized by the thought form of unworthiness & a constant fearful seeking to somehow achieve or earn our worthiness . 

And of course we have all had our share of personal emotional traumas that have taught us directly that we are not enough or unworthy of love or care—*unless* we behave, think, & exist with in the parameters of what our families, communities, cultures, & societies tell us is worthy of acceptance & belonging. 

I like everyone else, am no exception to the impact of this ancestral & collective cultural trauma residue. Having been brought up in a highly twisted & abusive home & family culture, I quickly & deeply learned the lie of unworthiness. My trauma taught me that I did not deserve love, caring & protection & that in order to earn some semblance of love, there were specific ways I needed to be. I became a people pleaser, a care taker, & deeply suppressed myself in countless ways in order to belong & to be loved. 

On my spiritual/healing journey I have been continually diving more & more deeply into these wounded aspects of myself & unlearning the programming of not enough. I have learned that lost in this wounding, I have again & again sought the safety & belonging that I have so desperately yearned for all of my life, within the arms of another, only to repeat the same patterns of disorganized & fearful attachment—leading me to heartbreak & ultimately the dishonoring of my own sacred heart. 

As I have been continuing to learn what it is to love myself, I have been reclaiming more and more of my power and with that finding more of the True and only Union I have really ever sought—the Union with Source. 

On the 11/11/2020 portal I reached a turning point—a point of no return. I have seen too much, healed too much, & I know too much to go back to playing the game of unworthiness & being small. In my own unique way I AM a perfect reflection of Our Mother Father God & I am here to embody the Light of Sophia Christ. I AM worthy of ALL of the LOVE of The All That IS—The Grand Cosmic Everything—for that is the Truth of Who I AM & Who WE ALL ARE!

I understand now that the Union I seek is never going to be found in the arms of any other but ONLY within my own sacred heart. Indeed, the Union that I seek is the Union That IS—The Union of Source. And that my loves, can only be truly found AND embodied through the devotion & commitment to finding it Within. 

Here in San Miguel I have been on a heart healing pilgrimage which has brought me deeper still  into my heart, soul, spirit, & body. It brought me to the sacred river canyon you see pictured above, in sacred ceremony with my new/old Mentor Christina Sol, & my soul kin @thesacredmystica and @_oregano_11 for a Self Marriage 🔯 Inner Union Ceremony. 

In the Temple of the Heart in San Miguel, My Inner Divine Feminine & my Inner Divine Masculine met face to face in a way they never have before in this lifetime within my conscious awareness. Through intention, meditation, breath, energy movement, visualization, & embodied awareness, I found healing between these two halves within me as they committed to one another in a shared devotion to the Love that We ARE. 

“You must be emptied in order to be filled,” Spirit told me again & again. 

I felt the wounding of my masculine & how he has given away our power again & again in order to be loved. The choice was clear: from now on out, the fucking warrior & powerhouse that is my masculine, must bow to the wisdom, intuition, & heart of the empress oracle that is my feminine.

“The masculine supports, & the feminine leads,” my Soul showed me. 

I let go of the narratives & stories that have bound me to grief & suffering, & released them to the Earth & the ancestors of the land, with deep gratitude & love in my heart. Within me I saw my masculine & feminine embrace & become the dancing energies of kundalini rising awakening a new dimension of being within me. 

I AM the phoniex rising—a phoniex dragon of Sophia here to anchor in the rising frequencies of the Earth & the new paradigm of Gaia Sophia that We ARE here to co-create together. 

It is from within the Inner Union that I am cultivating within myself, & how it grows & deepens from here that I will play my part with devotion, commitment, courage, tenacity, integrity, bravery & passion (my masculine). It is through trusting the wisdom of my own sacred heart, body & soul, & the wealth of intuition, gentleness, compassion, generosity, kindness, creativity, & softness (my feminine) that I will be the beacon of Love I am meant to be.

It is through the letting go & surrendering to the Great Mystery & how is seeks to use me as its vessel for Truth & Liberation, that I will become empty in order to be filled. Only then will I fulfill my highest destiny for this lifetime, as the Union that I AM, that We ARE, That IS.